As much as the feminist in me hates to admit this, when it comes to dating/mating mistakes, it turns out the two genders are rather equal. This blog is inspired by a true story, where a perfectly normal girl shot her chances of being with a perfectly normal guy friend of mine.

Rule #1: Don’t be clingy.

Just like girls, guys do not appreciate immediate signs of attachment either. After the first day, it is not advisable to call or even send an innocent text within at least 3-4 days. You are thus allowing the first date to really settle in and are giving your guy a chance to decide if he would like to go on another one. That is why I don’t like to schedule the second date at the first one. Who is to say there will be more? It is a mutual decision and even if you have made up your mind, that certainly doesn’t mean your date has. It takes guys more time to figure these things out and to them a silence of a few days does not signal rejection, so chill. Don’t send cutesy little text messages or invites for a drink, especially on a Friday night, if those have not been previously scheduled. Guys have lives too and you should not infringe on them, especially after just a few dates.

Rule #2: Kissing a guy doesn’t make you his girlfriend.

I am sorry, but neither does going out on a couple of dinners and going to bed with him. There seem to be a number of girls who all of a sudden feel entitled to a guy’s time, after just one intimate moment. If you expect to get hitched after one night, you are in for an unpleasant surprise. A lot of men consider sex a rather casual dating ritual, which does not change your single status to “taken.” Be like a man, don’t expect a ring or a promise for eternal togetherness just because you’ve put out. If sex is a rather serious ordeal for you, make sure your date understands that so he doesn’t feel trapped the next morning. If your views on doing the deed differ significantly, this may lead to some rather awkward moments later, so spare yourself the disappointment and discuss expectations before hand.

Rule #3: Know what you’re worth.

It takes a certain amount of attraction (physical or mental) for a guy to go out on a date with you. Don’t mess it all up by getting all insecure on him. He picked you for a reason but if you can’t hold your own, this can be very disheartening to someone who doesn’t know well. They may think you are just another insecure female with self-image issues, or worse – that he is simply out of your league. The way people perceive you is 50% physical appearance and 50%, sometimes more, self-perception. How you see yourself is reflected in the way you carry yourself, how you behave, your body language, everything… The need for constant physical contact to attract someone’s attention is a sure sign of not being able to do it otherwise – with words, wit, humor or simply a smile. It makes you appear desperate for someone’s attention.

Rule #4: Don’t drag your best friend everywhere, especially in a young relationship.

It’s time for your girlfriend to take the bench, or better yet – go on a date herself. The message you are sending when you drag your BFF along is: I’m insecure on my own and I can’t survive without backup. I hate to say this but friends can be rather detrimental at the beginning – they can certainly give you false advice, out of lack of understanding of the situation, jealousy or not knowing your needs. They can quickly label your new squeeze an asshole, womanizer or worse – not the right one. The truth is, you are the only one who can determine if he is what you need. Don’t let good friends make decisions for you. In addition, when your friend is constantly around, this limits your interactions with the guy you’re after and introduces decreases intimacy into the dynamic. It is hard to get to know someone  well when there are three people – one on one’s work best and are much more special.

Rule #5: Don’t be intimidated by the ex-girlfriend.

If they are still friends, chances are things will remain this way and you will likely not be the one to break them up. Be respectful of the ex – she can be your most powerful ally or your worst enemy. If you coward up to him when the ex is around, you are sending the wrong message – namely, that you are scared of what her opinion of you may be. Instead, tilt your head up and carry yourself with confidence around her. Don’t kiss up but don’t be a bitch either, because she will remember how you treated her and this will reflect on your relationship with her ex/your present boyfriend. In short, be respectful and try to get to know the ex and why they broke up – this will give you valuable insights into who he is and what he is after. Ignoring the ex may be the worst policy, as trying to take over the situation and acting like the queen-bee (look at me, I have him now) will only put more pressure on him and alienate you from her. They are still friends for a reason – he respects her opinion and you can be sure she will not hesitate to provide it, even when not asked.

Rule #6: Don’t reveal all your cards.

Mystery is one of the strongest aphrodisiacs in a relationship. If a guy thinks he’s got you and there is no risk of losing you, he will act this way too. Let him get really comfortable with you and the relationship and you will lose him. Never say things like, I only have eyes for you or No one ever hits on me. Even if it may be true, why in the world would he want to know that he is with a girl that is not the hottest commodity on the sexual market. Now, if the equilibrium is damaged permanently due to the fact that he is much better looking than you, that will be a harder card to play. BUT, you can still make it if you compensate with high self-esteem and know how to maximize what you’ve been given. A guy, obviously, would not want his friends to think his girl isn’t hot or that he is the best you can get. If he really is the best you can get – kudos to you for initially attracting him in some way (likely with your brains, not looks), but your work is not done. You need to make sure that your appearance will not be a detriment to his affection. Like I said previously, there is only that much you can do to look better, but if you project sexual appeal (which has little to do with your say, dimensions), you can appear to be the hottest woman around, and he will feel it.  

Rule #7: Know the meaning of the word intimacy.

The true meaning, that is. Intimacy to me is the ability to share things with a guy that you may never be able to share with anyone else. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. You can share the sexy, e.g. how horny you are, for example, or that you are not wearing underwear, but do not share the gory – that you haven’t shaved in 3 days or how much weight you’ve gained. That is for your girlfriends to know. And just for the record, it is not okay to leave the bathroom door open. Ever. There are certain things better left to the imagination and bodily functions is certainly one of them. Believe it or not, there are guys out there who still have illusions that girls don’t fart or shit. Let them be disillusioned, there is nothing wrong with being a clean, impeccable human being in your guy’s eyes. After all, men date us because we smell good, have soft skin, freshly shaved legs and always wake up looking gorgeous.

Now go conquer the irrational world of men. Armed with these tools, you will be guaranteed at least a second date. After that you’re on your own. Just remember – behind every gorgeous woman is a man who is sick of shagging her  

As promised, I am following up on my intention to dedicate a blog entry to the type behavior of which makes women click. Obviously, I cannot speak for all ladies but if you can meet my requirements, you can probably meet any other woman’s. I have been said to be picky and as you can tell from my previous entry on what chicks really dig, I cannot even tolerate back hair.

On to some things that I can put my finger on…

Let’s start with meeting people. Needless to say, looking your best is the first step to attracting a mate. I dedicated a couple of entries on dressing in a flattering way, as well as maintaining your inner self on doing th so I do not feel the need to spend more time on telling you what to wear or how to groom. Although it may be more difficult to meet quality people at bars, there is a difference in the audience that frequents the HoDo and that of the Empire or Bismarck. Nothing against the latter two, but you must pick your destination based on the kind of people you would like to meet. With that being said, how do you actually approach someone you would like to get to know better? Repeat after me: pick up lines do not work. Please do not use them. I consider “what’s your name” a pick up line as well. Some smooth talker tried to use this one me recently. You do not need to know my name and I will only give it to you if I think you are interesting enough to have a chat with. This means you have to make yourself interesting first. Start with something innocent, unpretentious and engaging, such as, “hello, what do you think about the band?” Start with an open-ended question, one that provokes further discussion and follow-up questions. Such as, if she doesn’t like the band, ask if they are too loud/too mellow for her. Keep the conversation going this way.

Only after talking for a while, may you introduce yourself and politely ask if you may know her name. Don’t be pushy, being a gentleman always pays off with the right kind of woman. We are programmed to reward polite acts of cavalry. So even if you are not her type she will not rudely tell you off if you are polite and respectful. I don’t know of a case when treating a woman as a sexual object in the first five minutes of meeting her has paid off. Assuming that you are after an intelligent, smart and self-respecting lady. If you are just looking for a one-night stand, which is perfectly okay, a line such as “Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!” may do just fine. That is not the focus on this article, however. Although one-night stands can feel good and happen way too often, the drawbacks often outnumber the benefits significantly.

As a follow up and to guarantee the conversation will continue, offer her a drink but do not be imposing. If she is with friends, do not take her away from them. Instead, try to get involved in their conversation and get to know them as well, if not to get them interested in you, which may cause your stock to rise in her eyes. We, girls, are silly like that and may consider someone just because our friends think he is gorgeous. Plus, striking a conversation with a group of girls you don’t know is a sign on confidence and shows her you can hang with her and her friends without incident.

Do not ask for her number until you are ready to leave. Make yourself important and wanted somewhere. Say you have to meet a group of friends or have a party to attend. Of course, if that isn’t true and you are an anti-social hermit, that technique will only get you to a certain point until she finds out the truth. Tell her you enjoyed talking to her and would love to continue your conversation at a later time. Ask her is it is okay to take down her number and go for coffee or dinner some time. If she isn’t comfortable giving it out, that is not the end. Some girls simply do not give out numbers like that. Offer your number instead and tell her you would be pleased if she called or texted you (I say this because getting a text message is much less intimidating than actually calling someone). After you take care of that, say goodbye and part ways.

Needless to say if you don’t have her number and she doesn’t call you, there isn’t much you can do in that situation. If she did provide you with that precious 10-digit combination, however, call her when you said you would (it’s a good idea to schedule a time when she will be available in advance to avoid her chickening out and canceling on you later) and lay out a specific plan for your date. Girls do not like indecisive guys who don’t know where to take them. If a place requires reservations, call and make those. Check on movie times. Know when places open/close. Know your scene and what is going on. Do not offer anything too personal or intimidating (public places are a must for your first date). Whatever you decide, do not call and hesitate as to what you can do and where you can take her. We like a guy who can take charge from the beginning and if you can’t figure out something as simple as dinner, we start questioning your ability to figure out much else.

Whether you can afford it or not, nice places are almost mandatory for first dates. Even if you will not be able to take her to Monte’s every week, do not take her to mediocre, generic places such as Grandma’s or the Ground Round. Go somewhere special and invest the $60-$70 bucks in that date. If you thought she was worth taking on a date, she would certainly be worth the bill. When it comes to food, the business lunch rule applies here as well – order simple items that are easy to eat. Wings with bones, soup and spaghetti are somewhat hard and potentially embarrassing to eat/easy to make a mess with. Be graceful, know how to use all the different forks and do not eat like you’ve never seen food before. That’s why it is not a good idea to go on a date when you’re super-hungry. You may end up spending too much time eating and less time talking. This site provides some basic guidelines on table etiquette.

Do not even make mention of splitting the bill on the first date or accepting money from her. It’s the cost of taking a girl on a date and even if you agree on splitting the bills from there on, it is important to show your willingness to pay and to let her know you are not petty. Some guys would play dumb, or maybe just not pay attention when the bill arrives. Beware – that is a very important moment and if you are not on top of it, it can become rather awkward. Take charge of the bill, make sure all your credit cards work/have enough cash for a tip, etc. Be generous and not stingy because girls notice the smallest details. You don’t want your date gushing to her girlfriends about how you left a $3 tip on a $60 bill. After the dinner, make sure you have gum and offer her some too. No one wants to come into close contact with a garlic-infused mouth. Ewww.

As far as the conversation goes, keep it light. Ask interesting, yet not overly personal questions. Avoid making assumptions. Do not analyze someone you do not know. Try to get to them better, ask about general plans in life, etc. – things that may help you determine whether you have long-term potential with that person. For example, if you want to spend the rest of your life in the area, make sure the person in front of you has the same geographical preferences. Questions about marriage and kids can be asked but in very general, non-intimidating terms. Sense of humor is great on a first date when things are a little nerve-wrecking for both parties. Wine certainly helps. In fact, if you get nervous, have a glass before the date. White wine smells less than red in general and does not stain your teeth. Most importantly, be yourself but not reveal too many personal details. After all, if she doesn’t like the person you truly are, there is no point in wasting your time with her. Project your best self but not exaggerate and make up stories that make you look larger than life. They will come back to haunt you eventually.

After the dinner you may decide to go listen to some live music, see a movie or simply stay at a lounge bar and talk. This is an opportunity to get a bit more intimate with your date, bond more and get to know each other even better. Again, cover all expenses without hesitation. Although girls do not require guys to open doors for them all the time, it is nice to know you remember and care enough to do it. So, open the damn doors… cars, restaurants, etc. Take her coat and pull her chair before she sits on the table. Obviously, if you have never done this before it may feel a bit awkward for you but practice makes perfect. Next time, do it for your mom or sister and you will see how pleasantly surprised they will be. Even if you are not the type of guy who does such acts of cavalry, it will be much appreciated. Tomboy girls also enjoy it – it simply shows you care for your lady and want her to feel special. It is as simple as that and there is no need to be embarrassed that you know how to be a man.

Another thing that never fails to impress me is a guy who knows his wine. Knowing what wine goes with your meal and what kinds/brands/years of wine are better than others is a huge aphrodisiac. This website is a good place to start. Of course, the more you are informed about a variety of topics, the more interesting a conversation you will be able to have. Find out what she loves and let her talk about it. Be genuinely interested, try to find out what she does, what she loves, what gets her going. Ask about her, try to get to know who she really is behind the shell. That will certainly take more than one date but the more questions you ask, the better. I am impressed by people who can ask the right questions – informed, non-judgmental and pointed questions. I say pointed because it is important to pay attention to what she has said in the past. Asking the same question twice is a sure sign you are not interested enough in what she is saying or that you are distracted. It is not an impression you want to make.

Another random thought that comes to mind is the state of your car. If you riding in your car, make sure it is clean inside and out. Make sure you have appropriate music in your car. It is always a nice gesture to pick her up from her place and take her back. If she isn’t comfortable disclosing where she lives, however, meet her somewhere and offer to drive between places. Do not get drunk so you can take her home or to her car at the end of the night. Speaking of the end of the night, it is not in good taste for the guy to attempt a kiss. If she wants to kiss you, she will. If she doesn’t, you either need gum or she isn’t ready. Either way, the ball is in her court and not going in for a kiss makes you seem patient and not desperate. Invite yourself over is definitely out of the question. I realize you may not be able to wait for the nookie, but resist the temptation. It will be worth it amd you will be glad you gave yourselves the time to get to know each other better. You would not want anything serious with a girl who is ready to go all the way on your first few dates anyways, would you? Granted, in some rare instances, something like this may progress just fine and end up in a healthy, long-term relationship, the statistics show differently.

Regardless of whether anything physical comes out of the first date (even if it is as innocent as a good night kiss on the cheek), make sure she knows how much you enjoyed her company, however, and that you would like to do this again sometime. Come up with ideas about what you can do next time and throw some out there. That will make her look forward to seeing you and doing those fun things with you next time. Also, narrow down a time if you can and determine who will call who. For the second time, it may still be good if you called to let her know you are still interested. Later on, you can ask her to call you on a certain date. Having a specific day to call is easier for both parties so they don’t wonder when to call or when to expect a call.

When it comes to calling, being pushy and calling several times is obviously not a desirable behavior. Leave a voicemail if she is not answering – this way she will know for sure you called. If she doesn’t return your phone call within two to three days, call again – this time for the last time. Do not call until she calls you back or picks up. Simply accept the sign she is giving you and move on.

Finally, don’t forget a date is as much about her getting to know you as it is about you deciding whether you have a common future with her. Don’t sell yourself short. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Do your best but don’t push it. If there are red flags in the beginning, do not ignore them. First impressions really are all they say they are so do not neglect your gut instinct – it may cost you in the future. If you would rather maintain a simple friendship with that person, let them know that as well. There is no harm in making a new friend, even if you two may not make the greatest couple.

Good luck and don’t forget to have fun while searching for a partner!

My blogging is ever so sporadic; yet always triggered by life-changing events and thoughts, so you, my readers, can feel like you are part of something big, meaningful and important.

But nor really – it’s just my life. It is important to me and maybe a handful of other folks, but it isn’t anything new, unique or unheard of. But why does a writer always worry about his/her audience? Perhaps because without an audience, there is no writing? I didn’t think I was doing this for validation. But if I wasn’t, this would have just turned into a journal entry, rather than a blog entry, correct?

Nah, journals are too private. I do need validation, damn it. Plus, it’s much faster to type than to write. Hand-writing is hard! My hand starts to hurt after 10 sentences. To the point, though…

This entry is dedicated on how powerful it can be to be on your own, alone – me, myself and I. I have had the rare chance to do that recently – the first time in eight years or so do I not have to worry about accommodating another human being’s needs or wants on a daily basis. The power of one is more powerful than I ever thought it could be.

And man, oh, man, was it scary in the beginning! Oh my! Who am I going to go to the gym/dinners/movies/cafés/events/concerts/parties/clubs with? Who am I going to call when I am done with work? Who will listen to my daily problems, hassles and frustrations? Who will tell me I’m pretty until I started to believe it? Who will take away my insecurities, just with his presence, which in some way attests to my qualities? Who will calm me down when I’m angry, who will cook me dinner, give me a back rub and wipe away my tears?

No one will. And this has never been more okay than today. Once you realize that you exist despite who is or isn’t around you, you can relax and stop desperately seeking attention and constant reassurance from another. I recently read in a book that we feel the way we make ourselves feel. No one else is responsible for the fact that we are having a shitty day. I am. You are. He is. We don’t like to think this way because it is more convenient to hold a third party responsible for the way we feel at any moment. Sometimes the subject of our wrath can even be an inanimate object, such as the weather, the car that won’t start, the barista that put waaay too much syrup in that latte or the boss who won’t give us all that time off we requested.

It is a hard pill to swallow, but trust me, once you accept the fact that you CAN change the way you feel at any given time, you will feel empowered and in control of your own life, like you never did before. Realizing that it is your life and the only person who can make you happy is YOU, is the greatest feeling in the world. It’s all perception-based and it is all shaped up in your head. People may try to make you feel a certain way but without your permission and acceptance this simply won’t work. No one can make you happy or bring you down without your active participation. Who cares if someone hurts you deadly if you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain or be bothered by it? It’s your decision.

It was sad for me to realize how dependent I had become on other people’s feelings, advice, property, time and emotional commitment. It is encouraging for me to know that I do not need all this to survive and be happy. I do not need people to feel secure, valued, loved and worthy. There is plenty of evidence all around us to assure us of who we are, how others perceive us and what our societal value is. If we need to see the evidence every day, we must look within ourselves and find out what is making us so damn insecure. No one knows us better than we know ourselves. Who knows better what a wonderful/sexy/smart/funny person you are than your highness? Who will appreciate you more than you appreciate yourself? Who knows how much you do on a daily basis at work, at home or at the gym? Who will give you kudos when you most need them? No partner will do this for you, I am afraid. After a while, it all becomes a routine and your partner will stop bothering to tell you things you “already know.” Why wait for that moment of validation deprivation and not start appreciating yourself for once?

Having someone next to you 24×7 does not make you better-looking, smarter, more accomplished or less lonely. If you are not in touch with your most inner feelings, thoughts, wants or traits, making someone else believe in them will be much harder. You must know who you are before closeness to another human being will enhance your life. You must know what this human being is adding to your bottom line and why being with them makes your life better. Likely, this will have nothing to do with who you really are; just how this person makes you feel when you are with them. That, unfortunately, is not something you can obtain on your own. Other people will make us feel better when we are with them, simply because we enjoy their company, not because we need them as a self-esteem booster.

And that is exactly the difference between a healthy relationship and emotional dependence.

Due to some recent events in my personal life, I have started questioning what love is, when we know that love has touched and when we know that we love someone.

We’ve all heard that love is selfless, in that it means giving all of yourself and never expecting anything in return. That, I am afraid, is pure utopia. It is not human nature to not expect or seek rewards for good behavior. Second, society has trained us from a young age to think that when we do well, we will reap benefits. Love is no different, fellas and that is the inconvenient truth.

How can you love someone when you cannot envision a common future with them, if they have no relevance to you? Sure, I love Gandhi but is that love if Gandhi never knew me or wants nothing to do with me? No. Love is very much a mutual feeling – someone that two (or in some situations more) people choose to experience together. There is no one-sided love – that’s called stalking.

So when does love die? When one of the people stops loving? What if the other person still has feelings? Is love a feeling one can experience alone, without acceptance, approval or reciprocity? Perhaps it is, but that would be a sad love – a love that cannot be shared and that will slowly but surely die off.

I wonder if love is a reflection of ourselves in someone else. They say you must love yourself before you can love anyone else or allow them to love you. I would have to agree with that statement; in itself it proclaims that love can only be experienced as someone else’s extension of our admiration for ourselves. This, in turn, answers the question whether you may love someone who doesn’t love you and the answer is no. Yes, you may think you “love” them for who they are – but that is simply fondness of that person. Love is very intimate, however, and not something you can experience toward everyone you like. You must know that your love is reflected in that other person – you must see it coming back to you or it will cease to exist.

Why do we like to wait for the other person to say ‘I love you’ before we will admit to it ourselves? Due to insecurity, perhaps but also due to the desire to make our love contingent on their love. If you love me, I will love you, type of deal. We like to think that we are not as selfish about our feelings, we like to think that we are giving the other person space or letting them roam free because we love them but it’s really because we want to be with them more than anything, driven by less-than-noble motivations, which are hard to fathom even to us. That is love, today – the hope that by giving someone your body and soul, they will love you back forever, take care of you and be there for you. As cynical as this may sound, there is no free lunch when it comes to love either.

We say that we’d rather see our love interest happy, even if that meant being away from us, but how many of us really mean that? Do we honestly believe that they will be happy with someone else or are we convinced down to the last brain cell that this person will be happiest with us, that we are the only humans on this planet who can give them everything they need? Yeah, we are that confident in our own abilities and think we deserve to be loved because of it. All our lives, we try to convince those we love in that same concept, to make sure they know how much we love them, that never in a million years would they be able to find anyone who loved them or cared as much but it is all CRAP. Selfish, less-than-noble and sympathetic crap.

Love is no longer what the ancient authors and poets depicted it to be. It is a tit-for-tat game, which we like to play and control. Always giving, always taking. Sometimes giving a little more with expectations of greater rewards in the future, even if we do not keep track of how much more we’ve given.  The mental notes are made, and they like the favor bank, always need to be reconciled.

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

Where do you belong?

You are Supergirl

Supergirl 92% Wonder Woman 92% Hulk 75% Catwoman 75% The Flash 70% Green Lantern 70% Iron Man 70% Batman 60% Robin 57% Spider-Man 55% Superman 35% Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent. Which superhero are you?

Have you ever had scary episodes of extreme coincidental occurrences? Did you think they were the work of a “higher power,” a result of destiny or a mere enigma with no extraordinary gist?

Surely, each day we all experience little coincidences, which usually can be quickly discounted. The most common instance I can recall is thinking about someone, right before they phone you. Telepathy, some call it. Whether there is an extrasensory connection, we likely will never know but some cases certainly make me believe there is.

Consider this rather bizarre experience, which occurred not long ago. At some point, a random visitor and reader of my blog had left a positive comment on one of my previous entries, pointing me to her MySpace page. Although I rarely check my blog comments more than a few weeks past the posting date, for some reason I thought to do that one morning. I was sitting at a computer station during this summer class I was taking and I logged onto my blog page to look at the comments. I noticed the mysterious visitor’s comment right away, as it was the most recent one left for that entry.

Intrigued, I visited her MySpace page and looked at the pictures she had posted. I had to go through the photos several times, with unbelieving eyes, to realize that I knew the page’s owner. I glanced to the left, at my next terminal neighbor and classmate. There she was, looking at her own MySpace page on the computer. I was not hallucinating. The MySpace girl was the same girl who had been sitting next to me in class for the last few days, and with whom I had formed a strange bond in a short time.

After I was 100% certain in her identity, I pointed out to her the fact that the Fargo Pizzazz blog, in fact, belonged to me. We then burst out in laughter, further adding to the image the class had formed about us. This image, though verbally unconfirmed by anyone, was that of a couple of loud, unusual and very outspoken girls. We both had something to say on most topics that had been discussed, often in sharp contrast with some of the shyer class members. I wonder what they thought of us. On a second thought, I really don’t care. Meeting someone like you is such a powerful affirmation in your own sanity that other people’s opinions no longer matter as much.

My point here, I guess, is that I rarely meet people that I can connect with immediately. Although I really enjoyed talking to my neighbor in class, being the initially reserved person I am, I would have probably not pursued a friendship with that girl beyond class. Had she not left that comment on my blog, we would have simply remained classmates. It almost feels as if destiny, or whatever you want to call it, ensured that we meet again and realize that we have more things in common than usual. I am not a determinist by nature, and definitely not superstitious but moments like this make me question the complete randomness of the events that make up our lives.

In our fast-paced, busy lives, today it almost seems as we need “divine intervention” to finally realize that a particular someone or something truly deserves our time and attention. 

They shouldn’t. If you clicked the link to my blog, misled and perhaps intrigued by the title, reading this article may be largely disappointing to you.

Faithful to the art of sarcasm, I would like to explain why I think Fargo is a junk yard for youthful emotions, aspirations, and uniqueness. I’ve been in Fargo way too long. After graduating from college, the easiest thing to do was stay, work, and build a life for myself. I have to admit that I chose the walked path; life doesn’t get much simpler than it is here in good ol’ Fargo. There’s hardly any traffic, except for when the parking lots around West Acres get jammed by soccer moms dropping off their high schoolers for a fun day at the mall. There are no lines anywhere; you get in and out of the grocery store in less than five minutes. After you’ve been wished a great day/night, of course.

Let’s be clear about one thing. There’s nothing wrong with folks being nice and pleasant, asking you how you are, chatting you up about the weather and other important subjects, and asking you extremely personal questions. It’s just not for me. And it’s not reality. It’s something that exists only in this part of the States, and probably the world, and it is not representative of what life and people are really like elsewhere. It is so enclosed and unimposing, that every attempt to penetrate this long lasting status quo leads to unintentional, deeply honest acts of bigotry.  I can’t blame folks that consider themselves open-minded; yet avoid topics, places, and people they are even remotely uncomfortable with. That is the disadvantage of being born and living in such a small, homogenous community.

What is a young, progressive mind to do when faced with such ignorance and apathy daily? There isn’t much else to do but conform if you want to fit in. No one wants to appear different, and God forbid, “weird.” So we conform. We buy the same clothes, we drive the same cars, and we have the same friends. That’s safe and far from intimidating. What do we learn from repeating the same experiences over and over again? How do we grow? Are there any challenges to tackle? I don’t know about you, but I believe in realizing one’s full potential, exploring as much of the world as you can, considering as many viewpoints different from yours as you can encounter, and allowing yourself to be changed by your daily adventures. While Fargo may provide some opportunities along those lines, they are not easily available to young people outside of college. If you are blessed with diverse and interesting colleagues, you are not completely lost. But if you work in a small organization, which strives to employ people who fit in the existing culture, then you are guaranteed to live a boring, sheltered life and only scratch the surface of your intellectual and spiritual potential.

To end on a high note, because not all is lost, I would encourage all young people, no matter where you are in life, to search for the truths. I say truths because there isn’t a single truth out there, and I believe that everyone who limits himself to one story, however believable it may seem at the moment, is grossly discounting all that this world has to offer us. However small Fargo is, those long winter nights provide some excellent opportunities to learn more about yourself and your role in the Universe. We are all tiny bits of something greater; but without everyone one of us it wouldn’t be great. So get out, walk around, and don’t rush back. I wish you an eye-opening experience.